Just say "Thank You". Geesh!

Look, I'm a nice person. I'm a direct and to the point person but I also happen to be pretty nice. I think if a person has done something for me or influenced me in a positive way, then I should let them know. If people do a good job you should tell them so; if you have time, let his/her supervisor know too. If a person looks especially nice or has some unique thing going on with his/her appearance there's nothing wrong with paying them a compliment. But here's the thing. Have you ever noticed how most people just don't know how to take a compliment? It's ridiculous. Are people really so unaccustomed to niceness? I remember this one time when I was working as an office assistant/coordinator/whatever and I noticed that one of my co-workers would hang his suit jacket on the corner of his cubicle everyday. We had a coat rack in the office but for some reason he didn't use it. I thought "Why is he messing up his suits like that?" The next time I placed a supply order I ordered him a hook to go over the side of his cubicle and a hanger for his suit jacket. He was shocked that I did that for him and for some reason it was a big deal to some of my co-workers. I was thinking "Dude, I don't want to marry you. It's just a hook."

Over the years, I've noticed a several common bad responses to compliments and or nice gestures. Below I put together a little "How to Take a Freakin' Compliment" tip sheet. Feel free to use and share with friends and/or offenders.

The How to Take a Freakin' Compliment Tip Sheet

Scenario 1: Someone pays you a compliment and your response is "I know right?" or "I know!"

Tip: This is the wrong response. No one wants to know how great you think you or your things are. It's a put off.

Appropriate response: "Thank You!"

Scenario 2: Someone pays you a compliment and you after they walk away you say something like "She's always telling me how nice my stuff is. She's jealous."

Tip: You may want to get over yourself. Maybe, and this is a strong maybe, the person just likes your style. There's nothing wrong with that.

Appropriate response: "Thank You!"

Scenario 3: Someone pays you a compliment on your clothes and/or accessories and now you feel the need to tell them where you got it, how much it cost, how many are still in stock, how your mother found one just like it in Miami, or some other tidbit of information.

Tip: They don't care! Seriously. They want to give you a compliment, not find out your life story or hear a litany of shopping strategies. Just give the appropriate response. If they want to know more they'll ask you.

Appropriate response: "Thank You!"

Scenario 4: Someone pays you a compliment and you start to degrade yourself: "Oh, I look fat in this, I've gained weight, this old thing, it has a hole in it right here, etc."

Tip: Nobody cares about your low self esteem. Pick up a Bible, a Tony Robbins book, do what you need to do but don't subject everyone to your negative self talk.

Appropriate response: "Thank You!"

Scenario 5: You help someone with something or you're a person of influence in the community (a pastor, businessperson, executive director, etc.) and the person shows gratitude for your help with a card, a kind word or something similar. You thank them but then act awkwardly toward them because you think they have a crush on you.

Tip: They probably don't have a crush on you.  Maybe one person stalked you for a couple of months several years ago but you've got to let that go. 

Note: Since you are in the public eye it is possible that a person here or there develops a crush on you but you should not let that impact your reaction to every compliment. Also, the person may have the equivalent of a "Man Crush", which is pretty harmless. Either way; calm the heck down.

Appropriate response: "Thank You!" 

Scenario 6: Someone of the opposite sex or someone of the same sex that you know to be homosexual pays you a compliment and now you think the person is in love with you.

Tip: Get over yourself. Yes, I know you're hot but everyone is not in love with you. Do not start acting differently around this person. You are embarrassing yourself.

Appropriate response: "Thank You!"

In short, people give compliments for various reasons. Some people are sincere, some are sucking up, some may actually have a crush but the point here is that the correct way to respond to any compliment or nice gesture is to simply say "Thank You!" and keep it moving. Don't read into it and don't be a jerk. It's not the right time for arrogance, embarrassment, low self esteem, boring stories, or delusion.

If you have trouble with these tips and find yourself taking compliments way too personally you might want to pick up The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Sometimes I find myself responding the wrong way but I just dust myself off and try again. Remember, practice makes perfect!

Seriously?

About a month ago I created a Google Alert on curvy, plus sized and obesity so I could stay up to date on any interesting news or blogging on the topics. Now I'm wondering why I did such a thing. I have been assaulted daily by negativity and pure nonsense that I didn't even know existed until now. Yes, I knew that some fat people are teased and that there are many stereotypes out there about big people. What I did not know is that there is a whole sub culture of people out there that just do not like fat people. It's really strange. The dislike is based on a bunch of stereotypes and assumptions about fat people as if all fat people are fat for the same reasons and/or share the same beliefs and interests, especially regarding food. I'm not going to share any of the severely offensive posts on my blog. The post I'm sharing below is more about assuming things about big people than hating them. 

In a society obsessed with looks but also cursed as the fattest nation, where do we stop the madness? For those of you who visit this site regularly, you know that denial runs rampant among the overweight. But is it fair for the overweight to label every thin, beautiful woman with an eating disorder simply to throw dirt over a much bigger problem? As you can see, I agree/acknowledge that there are plenty of women out there (way more than I listed) in dire need of adequate nutrition. But there are plenty more who aren’t. I suppose it comes down to the ones making the accusations. Whatever your motive – jealousy, denial, anger, exasperation – only you have to live with your perception of what’s.true and what’s not. If it gets you through the night to believe everyone smaller than a size 18 has an eating disorder, then by all means, have another helping of macaroni and cheese...Just remember that the stereotypes you perpetuate are no better than the ones being perpetuated against you.
 
Then  there's the whole "please go hide in a basement until you're thin because obesity is unhealthy and I can't say anything positive to you while you're fat" movement.

This is the first comment after a video showing a plus size woman getting a makeover.
"Please don't condone morbid obesity, these ladies are at a huge health risk and that should also be addressed."

I had all these thoughts and opinions related to this stuff that I was going to write but it's just too much and I don't want to spend the next five months writing about this. Plus there's the other side of this debate: the fat women that hate skinny women, the fat people that really are in denial, etc. So, I'll simply say this to cover it all: You can't tell someone's health risks simply by looking at them, you can't know someone's beliefs and values and activity level by looking at them, and it's pure ignorance to think otherwise. AND it's none of your business.

Picture Perfect Friendships: Myth or Reality?

It's no secret that I watch a lot of TV. I enjoy TV. I enjoy movies. I enjoy the DVR - best invention ever! I also enjoy books, though I haven't read many lately. I was watching the Sex and the City movie  and it got me to thinking about friendship. Do movies and books help us set unrealistic expectations for our friendships? It's an interesting question.
I grew up reading the Babysitter's Club and Sweet Valley High, I loved watching Living Single, Friends and Sex and the City. I'm all about running out of the house at midnight to come to the rescue of a friend in need. But is it realistic? These shows/books paint pictures of friends that accept you for who you are, consider your feelings, have your back no matter what, stop what they're doing at the drop of a hat to run to your aide, are supportive, give you tough love when you need it, keep your secrets, celebrate your successes; they're just about perfect. Yes, there are fights but the friends always make up. Each person sees and admits where they were in error and they apologize. It's wonderful. But is it reality?

Let me do a personal assessment of my friends. Do they:

• Accept me for who I am? Check.

• Consider my feelings? Some yes, some no.

• Have my back no matter what? Check.

• Stop what they're doing at the drop of a hat to run to my aide? Uhh No.

• Support me? Sure

• Give me tough love when I need it? A couple do.

• Keep my secrets? Yes. At least I think so. lol

• Celebrate my successes? A couple do. With the others it depends on how they're feeling about themselves at the time.

• Admit when they're wrong and apologize. Mostly. One never does.

I guess I'm doing ok on the friend analysis. By the way I actually do all of these things for most of my friends. Ok, maybe I don’t stop what I’m doing at the drop of a hat but it’s pretty darn close. Naturally, I’d get upset when they didn’t always reciprocate. I used to be upset about the areas in my friendships that didn't match up with the books, shows, and movies. At some point I realized that they are books, shows, and movies, which is why I enjoy them. They are not supposed to be real life. Life is a little messier. Of course, if you have friendships that are not living up to your expectations you may see those friendships fading and/or changing. I am experiencing that in a few friendships right now and I'm ok with it. For once, I am embracing change. I think we'll end up exactly where we're supposed to be. As the saying goes some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Take No for an Answer

Him: If you're not interested that's ok. You have my number and know how to get in contact with me if you change your mind. We can leave it at that.

Me: Ok. Let's leave it at that. I don't think I can be what you're looking for right now.

Him: Oh yeah, I need your email address.

What? This might be a funny dialogue to some but I thought it was so annoying. I know some ladies like a persistent man but I think it's a turn off. If he had responded with a simple "Ok" I would have appreciated it. Then, the next time I ran into him I would have a more pleasant memory of him and would probably be willing to entertain another conversation. Instead, the conversation got much worse from there.

Yes, I might be going a little over board but I'm thinking "If you don't care about what I want or don't want now, you're probably not going to care once we get into a relationship".

Am I right ladies?

Gossip - Don't Believe the Hype

For some reason women get a bad rep about quite a few things. One of the main things we take a hit on is gossip. Most people think that women are main the culprits behind gossip. Strangely, the juiciest gossip I get a hold is usually falling out of the mouth of men. I believe men are the instigators of much of the drama women get into.

We trust the men in our lives - these reporters masquerading as friends. We think they are keeping our secrets. Well, I hate to tell you but I have heard more than one intimate detail of some woman's life who thought she was confiding in a friend or worse, a boyfriend. I've heard about women talking about me, I've heard about women wanting to have a relationship with a man who is not into them, I've heard negative talk about women who think they are this man's girlfriend. And I'm sure many of you have too. But somehow men escape the negative association that comes with gossiping. Maybe they don't consider themselves gossipers since the word carries a feminine connotation. For some reason women don't seem to acknowledge these tidbits of information as gossip either. What's up with that?

Haiti Matters

It's hard to think about anything other than the earthquake in Haiti right now. The country is completely devastated. It's touching to see how individuals, goverments, and companies all over the world are coming together to send money, and other aid to Haiti. In case you don't know here are some ways you can contribute to the cause.

Call the International Relief Fund at 1-800-RED-CROSS or visit http://www.redcross.org/

Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross (will be charged to your cell phone bill)

Text "YELE" to 501501 to donate $5 to the YELE Haiti Earthquake Fund (will be charged to your cell phone bill) or visit http://www.yele.org/

I feel I should disclose that I do work for the American Red Cross though this is not a plug for the Red Cross. I have donated to both funds listed here.

It's interesting how events like this will help you completlely put your life into perspective. What's really important?

Bring the Pain!

If you've ever read any of Anthony Robbins' books or seen any of his videos, or attended any of his seminars, then you know he talks a lot about pleasure and pain. He thinks humans will do just about anything to avoid pain. Basically, if you associate enough pain with your bad habits, you will eventually stop your bad habits in order to avoid the pain. I've been trying to apply some of his principles in my life, especially regarding diet, but it's hard to figure out what pain to associate with overeating. I know there's high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, etc. that can be associated with obesity and overeating. However, since I just had a full physical and do not currently have any of those health issues; it's hard to associate that kind of pain to making the wrong food choices.

So, how do I bring the pain? Well, last night I had the pleasure of celebrating my mother's birthday with my mother and sister. We went to 350 Grill, a new, trendy restaurant in town, and had a very nice dinner. We shared two tapas, had our individual meals, and individual desserts. I ordered the duck, which came in about 5 pieces that were arranged decoratively around a pillar of rice and spinach. I was full after eating the first piece of duck. Four pieces of duck, a little rice and spinach, and a peanut butter torte later, I was ready to be rolled out of the restaurant. I was ridiculously uncomfortable and my stomach hurt! Everyone else at the table seemed to be eating sensibly. They each had take home containers. But for some reason I just kept eating! As a result I was in serious pain and was uncomfortable even hours later. I tossed and turned all night and when I woke up today I still felt bloated.

I think I found the pain! I will associate the discomfort I felt last night and the discomfort I feel right now just thinking about last night, with making bad food choices. Hopefully it will serve as a deterrent from eating when I know I'm full. Time will tell!